Trust In Lust Read online

“There’s nothing to tell.”

  He snorted. “Now that’s a fucking lie.”

  I rolled my eyes and glared back at him. “No, it’s not. It’s just not important.”

  “An even bigger lie.”

  “For fuck’s sake, Sutton! It’s in the past. Leave it there.” That’s how we worked. Don’t ask, don’t tell. Unless it was relevant, we left each other’s shit alone. No questions. No drama. It’s why we worked so well together. We stayed in the here and now.

  “Except it’s not in the past!” he exploded, losing control of his temper and throwing his arms up in the air right as the first tidal wave of his anger crashed into me. I struggled to breathe through the onslaught and pulled at the collar of my vest as my back bowed against the door.

  “It’s right here, right now! Graduates from your academy are dying. They’re being hunted down and slaughtered like wild animals!”

  His angry words boomed through the darkness in the truck and tore through me like knives. The helpless rage he felt gutted me as I pressed back further away from him and concentrated on breathing and getting my wards up to shut his emotions out. I closed my eyes and fought against wave after wave, hitting me to get the barrier between us.

  My chest tightened, and I squeezed my eyes tighter, gritting my teeth against the tremor that worked its way up my spine. I pushed everything I had into my wards and numbness slowly washed over me. The emptiness of being shut off from the world again slowly reverberating throughout my body.

  “You don’t think I know that,” I bit out and then took a deep breath before I lost my control of my own damn emotions. It was hard enough keeping my own in check, much less dealing with everyone else’s.

  “Shit.”

  The truck jerked and my head bounced off of the window and back into it. Something heavy hit the floorboard and then he was in my face.

  “Breathe,” he barked loudly like I was fucking deaf.

  “Quit yelling. I got it.” I smacked at his chest and waved him away. My wards were up now, and they’d be staying that way, whether he liked it or not. I didn’t need to lose my shit and be out of commission while we were this close to finding Hicks. I wanted a piece of this guy and that in itself was enough to help me reign my own remaining emotions back in before they spiraled out of control.

  He leaned back on his heels with a skeptical look on his face and just watched me. His knees were at my feet in the center seat and the rest of his body filled up the entire cab of the truck on his side. He looked like an overgrown, worried baboon.

  I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing at that mental picture and took a couple of deep breaths. I didn’t think he’d appreciate it right now, so I tried to relax against the seat instead and not think about what just happened. What it meant about Sutton’s own past. What he was running from.

  “Tell me what the hell is going on, J.” His tone was softer this time, but still firm. “I understand not wanting to dive into your past. I respect that. But it’s relevant, like it or not, it applies to the case and can help us, yet you still refuse?”

  I opened my eyes and looked up at him. He was searching my face and my kit was in his hand. “I’m good. And if I knew anything that would help us, if I even thought something would help us, I wouldn’t hesitate. You know that.” I look at him pointedly.

  He threw my kit to the dash and moved back into his own seat. He pressed his hands into his eyes harshly, then tipped his head all the way back on the headrest. He was so tall, the back of his head hit the top and he was looking straight up at the roof of the truck. Or would be if he wasn’t still digging the heels of his hands into his eyes. This case was getting to him as much as it was me.

  “I do, it's just…” He tapers off and blows out a deep breath.

  “You taste like shit.” I throw his own words at him and the corners of his mouth twitch. He’d drilled those words into me during training for four years trying to help me with my control. ‘Don’t let it eat away at you. Be strong. You taste like shit and it’ll just spit you out, anyway.’ They made no sense at all when I really thought about it, but on good days, they helped me remember to live. On bad days… They kept the monsters at bay enough that I just didn’t die. I had him to thank for that. I could return the favor.

  I stretched my legs out and shoved my toes under his thighs.

  He looked down and rolled his eyes. “Where’s your damn shoes, woman?”

  “Floorboard.” I laughed and pinched him with my toes, trying to lighten the mood.

  “Fucking hell. You and your damn gator toes.” He pulled my feet out from under him and sat them on his thigh. Keeping one of his hands wrapped around them, he leaned across the cab, opened the glove compartment and grabbed something out of it. He slammed it shut quickly and tossed a granola bar into my lap. “Eat before you fall asleep.”

  He wasn’t quick enough though, and I saw what was in there. Leaning to the side I popped it back open and laughing turned back to him. “Seriously?” He was looking at the warehouse again ignoring me so I reached in and rifled through the dozen or so bars, all chocolate raspberry. “How did you get so many?” They didn’t even sell this flavor in packs. You had to get them two at a time in the variety pack. I looked back over to him and he was still ignoring me, but his lips twitched.

  I closed the glove compartment and leaned back against the door again. “How many boxes did you buy, big guy?” Watching him, I opened the bar and took a bite. He ignored me again, and I wiggled the foot he was still holding while I chewed. He couldn’t ignore me for long. “Have you just been buying every box they have?” I asked around the bite. His lip twitched again, and I nudged him while swallowing. “Come on. What’d you do with the other flavors?” I grinned and wiggled my feet again. “You just have a box somewhere with twenty-something granola bars in it you’re not going to eat?” I take another bite.

  This time he smiled. “Nope.”

  “I know you didn’t trash them.” I pulled one of my feet loose and poked him in the leg with my toe. “What’d you do with the gross ones?”

  He looked over and I could see the mischief dancing in his dark eyes. “Threw them in the break room at the station.”

  I winced. “Poor Phillips.” Knowing the guy would eat them almost made me feel sorry for him. Almost. He deserved a mouthful of something disgusting though, asshat was always stealing everyone’s shit.

  Sutton shrugged and squeezed my feet. “Let him choke.” He pulled one further into his lap, wrapped his big hands around the top and ran both of his thumbs up the arch.

  “Mmm,” I moaned around the last bite then quickly swallowed before I could choke and threw the wrapper in the trash bag he kept in the floorboard. Death by foot massage. Yeah, I’d never live that one down. It felt so good and I’m ninety percent sure he was just doing it to put me to sleep faster. A foot massage is a foot massage either way and I snuggled down against the seat as much as I could in the vest to enjoy it. “That feels amazing.”

  “Close your eyes.”

  “If I close my eyes, I’ll fall asleep.”

  He chuckled and dug his thumbs into the ball of my foot, and I moaned again. “That’s the point, woman.” He thumped my toe and then turned his head to look back out the window.

  Yup, just like I thought. Resting my cheek against the seat, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feel of his hands rubbing and kneading the rest of that foot before he moved on to the other. The seat was soft against my skin and I rubbed my cheek against it, making little noises when he pressed into the tender achy arch and moaned when he dug into the ball while pressing his fingertips into the top. He really knew what he was doing, and I relaxed as sleepy contentment took over and warmth spread through me.

  The muscles in my stomach tightened as small flames of desire flickered to life low in my belly. Growing, getting stronger as the pressure slowly built until my insides were throbbing. I clenched my thighs together and tried to breathe through the sensations tak
ing over my body. It wasn’t easy and his hands on me made it so much worse. His hands. His warmth. Just knowing it was Sutton touching me had everything inside me tightening even more and the pressure continued to swell until it was almost a painful throbbing— “Sutton!” I jerked upright in the seat and snatched my feet away from him. “What the fuck?”

  Chapter Two

  He sat there frozen, looking half shocked and half guilty. His hands were still in the air where my feet were and then he lifted one and pointed at me. “You’re not blaming me for this one.”

  I pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. “Well, it damn sure isn’t my fault your dicks about to...” I shut the fuck up and just waved my hand around in the air. There was no way in hell. Nope. Just no. “If we ever get out of this stupid truck, I’m telling Lana.”

  “What? That my dick got hard?” He snorted derisively and gave me a wry smile. “What’s she going to do? Spank me?”

  “Nope.” But she would take you off my hands for the evening. I tried to keep a straight face, I really did, but there’s a reason I’m shit at poker and I ended up biting the inside of my cheek just to keep from laughing. She was going to love this.

  He searched my face, and when his eyes narrowed, I almost cracked. Shifting his bulk in the seat, he leaned forward across the middle seat and put his finger in my face. “No!” His loud bass echoed through the cab.

  “Oh, yeah.” I nodded and finally laughed at the pained look on his face. I pushed his big hand away and crossed my legs underneath me.

  “You wouldn’t dare.” His dark chocolatey eyes sparkled in challenge as he called my bluff then leaned back again and crossed his arms over his chest making the material of his shirt strain around his biceps.

  “Wouldn’t I? I think a whole night with just you and Lana is exactly what you need, big guy.”

  Confusion washed over his face. “Why the fuck would I need that?”

  So I could get laid my own damn self? “I don’t know. Maybe because she’s your girlfriend? Dinner? A nice movie? And if you’re not a complete dick, maybe she’ll ride your dick? That’s the whole point of dating, isn’t it?”

  He slid a hand down his face and laughed at me. “You're worse at dating than me.”

  “Dick is different than dating. I don’t date. A couple of drinks, a couple of orgasms.” I shrug. “Big difference. Point is, you need to get laid.” I pulled my phone out to text Lana and tell her exactly that.

  “Do not tell her I need her to ride my dick, Vaughn!” He snatched the phone from me.

  “But you do! I mean come on, if you didn’t then you wouldn’t get worked up that easy. It’s 5 a.m. and we’re stuck in an alley that smells like ass. Ass alley! What the hell is wrong with you?”

  “Me?” he asked incredulously. “The wind can blow the wrong way and you’re all wriggling in your seat over there, just fucking up the upholstery.”

  “Sutton!” I slapped at him with my foot but he grabbed it and pulled it back into his lap holding it down. “I can’t exactly control… this. It’s new and I still have no idea how to control it. My wards don’t help and it’s even worse when you’re walking around horny as fuck all the time! Get laid. I can avoid everyone else when it happens; you, not so much. Besides, I’m twenty-one, isn’t that what we’re supposed to do? What’s your excuse, old man?” I asked grinning and pulled my foot away to poke him with.

  At twenty-nine, he was only eight years older than me. I didn’t care, but it was enough to make a difference to him. Maybe because I was only seventeen when he started training me?

  I knew he was interested. Sexually at least. He knew I knew. It had caused enough problems with my new sixes that it came up. No pun intended. Ok, maybe a little one. That wasn’t little at all, and from the tight throbbing in my nether regions, was still very hard.

  “I’m a man, and old or not, you were making those noises. I don’t need an excuse. And don’t think I don’t know you’re just trying to get a night alone with Carter out of all this.” He rolled his eyes on the subject of Carter before his brows dropped and his face grew serious.

  “You can’t live your entire life just staying away from everyone with your wards all the way up. You’re a Sixer, J, there will always be something. You need to remember that. And work on your control more while you’re at it before you slip up.”

  “What’s with the attitude? Who am I going to slip up with?” I asked, throwing my hands into the air. “You’re the only one I talk to.” Well, with my wards all the way down, anyway.

  “Don’t remind me,” he grumbled and looked back out the window.

  “Fuck you. It’s your own damn fault, so blame yourself. It’s not like you ever let me go anywhere!” He ignored me, again, and I slapped my hand down on the dash. “No one told you to take over the department after I graduated. And us being partners? You did that too.”

  He turned his head and leaned his upper body over my legs. Anger contorted his face as he yelled, “Someone had to watch your ass! And even if I did ‘let you go anywhere’, what’re you gonna do, V? Huh? Go fuck Carter and then send his ass packing when he starts asking questions again?”

  I jerked back like he’d slapped me in the face; he may as well have. “You’re defending Carter? You don’t even like him.”

  He sighed. “No, I’m not ‘defending’ Carter.” He shifted back into his seat, and it groaned under his weight as he rolled his shoulders and tried to release the tension. Guilt crept in and it just pissed me off even more. He blew out another breath and tried again. “I’m just saying, even if I did, you wouldn’t. You can’t keep living this way, V. Keeping everyone at a distance and shutting them out when they try to get close. Even Mason—”

  “Do not bring him into this,” I warn, cutting him off.

  “Why the hell are you so pissy?”

  “Oh, you mean besides your mood swings? Let’s see.” I held my fingers up ready to tick off the shit irking me. “The fact that your dick got hard, so you caught an attitude. I’m doing the best I can and until I get it figured out, fucking deal or assign me a new handler. You smell. Hicks'—who you’re not even watching for, by the way—stupid ass having us out here at two a.m., I’m tired, and last, but certainly not least, I’m out of coffee.”

  “I don’t fucking smell and if you’re that tired, go the fuck to sleep already!” he snarled and shoved my feet off his legs.

  “Somebody’s butt hurt.” I pulled my legs back under me and crossed my arms over my chest. Tucking my fingers into the armholes of my vest, I leaned into the seat and closed my eyes.

  “You’ll take your fucking shoes off to sleep but leave your vest on. Makes perfect sense.” Welcome to Sutton, where guilt equals snark and sarcasm.

  “Shoes don’t stop bullets,” I said flatly, opening my eyes and looking up at him across the truck. It was a lesson I’d learned the hard way and I wouldn’t be making that mistake twice.

  His body stiffened, and the color slowly drained from his face.

  “Shit, I didn’t mean...” He sighed and scrubbed his hands up and down his face. I was so fucking glad my wards were up. I didn’t need them to feel the regret I knew would radiate through the truck. I could see it all over him as he grabbed the binoculars off the dash and turned back toward the window.

  I closed my eyes again and tried to ignore the guilt eating away at me. No, maybe I shouldn’t have said that, but he shouldn’t be so fucking defensive about his dick and the shit between us either.

  Insert Break-

  “Vaughn!”

  “What!” I bolted upright—legs flying into the air and slapped at my vest, heart racing, chest seized. I slid my hands across my vest gasping for air. There were no holes this time, and I froze.

  “What happened!” I whipped my head around frantically searching for whatever had made him yell. Except, the truck was quiet. I couldn’t find anything. Just Sutton, binoculars in hand, looking out the window.

  I kn
ew I wasn’t imagining shit. I blew a harsh breath out and wiped my palms up and down my thighs before I checked the back. There was nothing but our gear strewn across the seat so I looked out the windshield over the parking lot we were facing. Deserted, no parked cars, not a single person in sight. Just nothing. Looking past it, I scanned the tree line that ran the length of the backside of the lot and separated the back of the warehouse we were watching from the small run-down strip mall whose alley we were half-ass backed into. Nothing was out of place and everything was quiet. Too quiet. All I could hear was the thundering of my own pulse in my ears. Fuck, my chest even hurt.

  “What the hell?” I looked around again and rubbed my chest trying to ease the pain.

  “Time to wake up,” he said simply, still watching the warehouse.

  “So you yell?” I asked, kicking him with my foot. “What the fuck were you thinking, Sut?”

  He shrugged. “That you needed to wake your ass up.”

  Sucking in a deep breath, I clutched the neck of my vest and closed my eyes; focused on calming the fear and panic that were still coursing their way through me. Being startled was never a good thing for me. Being startled awake was even worse.

  I held tighter onto my vest and leaned back against the door letting my head rest against the cooler glass and pulled my knees up. Just like we’d practiced, I took a deep breath and tried to breathe through the emotions threatening my control. To ‘center’ myself or whatever stupid yoga shit—. Crap, gritting my teeth I breathed out quickly through my nose and stopped that train of thought in its tracks and started over. I needed to concentrate. Think reassuring thoughts, blah blah blah.

  I sucked in another long deep breath and held it longer this time. It really shouldn’t be this hard. Nothing’s wrong, I just need my body to figure it out before it crashed. I let that breath out slowly, barely parting my lips. My pulse still raced out of control so I drew in another and focused on the thundering in my chest. Sutton was right there, calm. That meant everything was fine and I let it out slowly.