Trust In Lust Page 10

  Bags and bags of groceries littered the worn counters and kitchen floor. Stephie stood amongst them, frozen, in the center of the mess with a bag of apples in one hand and a frozen chicken in the other.

  Oh, I winced. I’d been hoping to get here before they delivered those.

  Eileen snapped out of the shock and turned towards me with her mouth hung open.

  I hopped a step back to stay out of reach and waited for her reaction.

  She pointed to the scene in the kitchen, gobsmacked, then spun on her heel and walked into the room. She picked up a bag and looked inside it. Her eyebrows furrowed before she closed it and looked in a couple of the others.

  Her head snapped up and her eyes met mine as she repeated, “What the hell is this? And why are there three boxes of tampons and an entire grocery bag full of pads?” she asked bewilderedly, holding up the bag.

  “Uh.” I scratched my neck and looked down at the bag in question.

  “Agent James!” She shook the bag and looked at me expectantly.

  “I don’t know!” I yelled defensively, and threw my arms into the air. “I don’t know, okay? I didn’t know what you used. I didn’t know what Stephie used. Didn’t know what y’all had! So I just bought some, okay?”

  She looked more confused than a moment ago as she looked over the room again. “So you did this?”

  I scratched the back of my head. Seeing it from her perspective now, I didn’t really know how to explain. I hadn’t known what to get, so I got a bit of everything I thought they’d need. I didn’t want them to fucking go without.

  “I can’t accept all this.”

  She had her pride, and I respected that. But I also didn’t give a shit. “Yeah, I didn’t really ask.”

  Her head jerked my way. “I won’t accept all of this.”

  “Well, unless you’re loading all this shit back up and taking it back to the store your damn self, you are. Because I’m sure as hell not.”

  Her face grew red, and she threw the bag on the floor. She was gearing up for an argument, I could see it all over her face.

  I looked over her shoulder at Stephie. “Can you give us a minute?”

  She nodded and put the frozen chicken in the sink and the apples beside it on the counter. Her head stayed down as she made her way through the maze of bags and out of the door on the opposite side.

  I turned back to Eileen. “We need to talk.”

  “You’re damn right we do!”

  “Aye,” I said seriously and pointed at her. “I know you’re upset, and probably tired as fuck, but watch it.” She was pissed with reason, so I was trying to cut her some slack. But I’d be damned if she was going to stand here and yell at me.

  Her shoulders fell, and she took a deep breath. “Sorry, I just...” She waved her hand out over the mess, seemingly lost for words before looking back to me. “Why are you here?”

  “Stephie called,” I answered quietly, hoping it wouldn’t carry through the house.

  Her eyebrows shot up. “Excuse me?”

  “Stephie called.”

  “Yes, I heard that!”

  “Shhh.” I held my hands out to her in a placating gesture, trying to get her to quiet down.

  “Why did my daughter call you?”

  I sighed, this was going about as well as I thought it would. “Because she’s worried.”

  “About what?” she cried defensively and way too fucking loud.

  Sutton would step in any minute now if she kept this up. I looked her over and then glanced into the kitchen at all the bags pointedly.

  “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

  “Calm the fuck down, Eileen. She’s just worried about you.”

  “If she’s worried about me, she needs to come to me, not you.”

  “I can understand that,” I said softly. “But you can’t be mad at her for being worried. After everything that happened with her dad, everything she saw and went through? You’re all she has left. Her entire world revolves around you. Put yourself in her position. The late nights?” I waved my hand up and down her body. “Seeing you like this?”

  The tension riding her body had disappeared and her eyes went wide with shock.

  I stepped forward. “She went to make Landon’s lunch this morning and there wasn’t anything to make, Eileen. She had to give him what little cash she had left so he could buy it at school. She’s just fucking scared and doesn’t know what to think. Or do.”

  “No.” She shook her head and walked to the fridge. “That can’t be right. I made sure—” her words cut off as she opened the refrigerator door and saw its contents.

  “What? How… I checked,” she mumbled to herself.

  I could barely hear her, so I moved closer.

  She looked up to me with tears in her eyes. “I thought…”

  Her words trailed off as she looked back into the fridge for confirmation.

  “What’s going on, Eileen?”

  She didn’t answer as she closed the refrigerator door. Just pressed her fingertips to her forehead and stood there with worry in her eyes as they darted back and forth in thought.

  Fingers lightly pushed their way up the back of my vest and I jumped, startled. Only Sutton could be that quiet. He’d done it hundreds of times and it still never failed to scare me out of my skin.

  He gently pulled me away from Eileen and back to the doorway before he stepped up beside me and held out my gloves.

  I took them and slipped them on while he walked over to her and knelt down beside her. Would it be too much for him to make a little noise? Just enough to ensure I wouldn’t have heart problems at thirty?

  “What’s going on, Eileen?” His deep voice was gentle, soothing.

  She looked at him, eyes filled with tears. “I thought…” A sob broke free, and she covered her mouth.

  He reached for her hand and squeezed it.

  “I thought there was enough. I was going to go grocery shopping on my way home, but I was too tired. I barely made it without falling asleep in the car. I thought there was enough to get by until I at least got a little sleep.” By the end of her explanation, her shoulders were hunched and tears streamed down her face. She looked broken.

  “Are you taking extra shifts at the hospital?” He asked.

  She shook her head.

  “If you haven’t been at the hospital, then where have you been?”

  “I love my new job, I really do, but…” She inhaled harshly and squared her shoulders. “But I wanted more.”

  “More?” I asked, confused once again.

  She nodded and looked my way. “It’s great, I love my job and I’m able to support the kids on my own now. Living paycheck to paycheck and actually having enough to cover everything?” She laughed.

  “Knowing I did that. I do that. I provide for my children now, every week. On my own. It’s an amazing feeling. And I wanted more. More for me. More for them.”

  She looked down at Sutton and pleaded with her eyes for him to understand.

  “They were talking to me at work about nursing jobs, and the programs available for them. I applied, and I got in. Even qualified for assistance with covering the cost. I’m still working at the hospital and doing as much of my coursework online as I can. But I have to go to classes during the day while the kids are in school. I’m trying really hard to keep up with everything, but the only time I have left to study is at night after work in the library. I got paid yesterday and was going to go grocery shopping when I got done studying but I was so tired.” She sobbed.

  I stood there, dumbfounded, and didn’t know what to say. Every word she said rang true within me. Not one lie. She was a single mom of two kids, a full time job at the hospital, and was going to nursing school. Damn.

  “I’m sorry, I really am. I didn’t mean to let them down.” She buried her face in her hands and cried harder.

  My eyes burned. I was so fucking proud of her and she was standing there, apologizing. For wanting more
for herself and her family. For having dreams and aspirations.

  I wiped a tear from my eye and walked over. “Don’t you dare fucking apologize.”

  She looked up, startled by my words. Or possibly the vehemence in which I’d spoken. Her bloodshot eyes were a little too wide as she flicked them to Sutton and then back to me.

  A hand at my thigh stopped me from getting any closer.

  I wanted to hug her. I wanted to tell her how great of a mother she truly was. I wanted… “I’m so fucking proud of you, Eileen.”

  Her face fell, and a sob tore free from her chest.

  “I wish you could see the amazing mother that you are. There’s nothing wrong with wanting more, whether it’s for yourself, or the kids. And it’s damned sure nothing to be ashamed of. That drive, that need to do better, is what carries you through life. It’s what gets you to where you need to go, Eileen. You’re doing amazing, and you’re taking Stephanie and Landon with you on that path now. Together. And you have to communicate that with them. Let Stephie know what’s going on; tell her what you’re doing, show her the struggle. Let her see the truth that way she knows someone is fighting for her. That way she learns to fight for herself and everything she wants out of life.”

  She lunged forward and wrapped her arms around me.

  I turned my head at the last second and barely avoided her cheek being pressed against mine. But I wrapped my arms around her, closed my eyes, and held her just the same.

  A warm hand curled itself around the side of my neck and I relaxed more into the hug without having to worry about her touching me.

  I opened my eyes and smiled gratefully up at him beside me. Thankful for him giving me this moment.

  He smiled softly back at me and nodded.

  When she pulled away he discreetly slid his hand to my back and down to my waist so she wouldn’t see.

  “I didn’t want them to see me struggling to keep up with everything. I never thought she’d think there was something wrong. I had no idea. And this?” She motioned around the kitchen and sighed. “I can’t believe I let the kids run out of food.”

  I snorted. “They eat you out of house and home every week, Eileen. There’s nothing new there.”

  She laughed and gave me a watery smile.

  “I think it was just everything combined.”

  She nodded sadly.

  “Now!” I clapped my hands together loudly. “Here’s the plan. You’re keeping the fucking groceries. Be mad. I’m going to go grab Stephanie and drag her ass in her so she can help and y’all can talk. Communication. Then, your ass is going back to bed.”

  She scowled at me and opened her mouth to say something but I jumped in.

  “Awesome.” I spun on my heel and ran out of the kitchen to the sound of Sutton’s laughter and made my way down the narrow hallway.

  She’d started to fill the walls with new photos of her and the kids. New home, new memories. I was glad to see she was making the best of her new lease on life. That’s all I wanted.

  When I reached her room, I knocked quietly on the door.

  It cracked open, then stopped, and her head appeared in the small space.

  “It’s me.”

  She opened the door the rest of the way and leaned against the door jamb.

  Her red hair was braided back out of her lightly made up face. A soft peachy color adorned her eyes, a hint of mascara, lip gloss, and just enough foundation to cover the freckles she hated so much. She was dressed comfortably in jeans and a grey t-shirt. Her bare toes dug into the carpet as she stood there quietly.

  “You ok, kid?”

  She nodded and looked over my shoulder. “Mom?”

  "She’s good; really good actually."

  She gave me a skeptical look and glanced over my shoulder again.

  “Y’all have a lot to talk about, Stephie. But I promise, once you’re both on the same page with what’s going on, you’ll understand.”

  She blew out a long breath and relaxed against the door frame. “Okay.”

  I dug the cash out of my pocket and held it out to her.

  “What’s that?”

  “Peace of mind.”

  “Lily, I can’t-“

  I held up my finger, stopping her. “You can and you will. Look,” I stepped up to her and whispered, “I know the difference between knowing a safety net is there and actually being able to see the net yourself.”

  “You will never be alone in this, kid. Your mom is doing the best she can, more than that actually. But everyone struggles. Everyone makes mistakes. So take it; even if it’s just to ease your mind. And if something happens, you know you’re covered until you can get a hold of me.”

  I moved back and held the cash out to her again.

  She took it this time with tears in her eyes.

  “Thank you.”

  She screwed up her face then asked, “Why are you thanking me?”

  “Because knowing you’re okay gives me peace of mind, kid.”

  She jumped forward quickly and then stopped with her hands out in front of her. “I wanted to hug you, but is that okay? You never say anything but I noticed you don’t really like the touching.”

  I smiled. This whole family was full of enthusiastic huggers and even though it should scare me, I loved it. I wrapped my arms around her and leaned to the side to keep a little distance but hugged her tightly. “It’s not the touching I don’t like.”

  She’s squeezed back and laughed. “You’re so weird.”

  “You’ve got no idea, kid. No idea.” I patted her on the back and stepped away. “Now, go help your mother put the groceries away, you little shit.”

  She giggled, stuffed the money in her pocket, and took off running down the hall.

  I followed at a slower pace. The long night was catching up, and I was tired. I was ready to get back to the hotel and sleep.

  My phone buzzed in my pocket. I silently hoped it wasn’t another emergency, and I pulled it out.

  Causwell. Nope. I swiped decline and returned it to my pocket.

  When I walked in, Sutton looked down at the counter and then back at me. “Exactly how many periods do you think go on in this house a month?”

  Oh my God. “I don’t know!” I threw my hands up in the air. “But I do know girls are fucking finicky about the shit they use, so kiss my ass, Sasquatch.”

  Eileen cackled then held up three of the big twelve packs of ramen.

  “What! I know you eat that shit in the middle of the night when the kids are asleep. Don’t even act like you don’t. I just didn’t know which flavor.”

  Stephie gasped dramatically. “And you fuss at us about eating healthy! You should be ashamed of yourself!”

  “Said the girl trying to smuggle bags of Doritos out of the kitchen. Yeah, uh, huh. Don’t think I didn’t see that.” Her mom voice was strong but her smile was soft.

  I laughed at their antics as warmth spread through me. These two were a hot mess, but they were amazing. And I loved them with everything I had.

  Sutton wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close. “You ready?”

  I nodded, the thickness of emotion constricting my throat for the second time today.

  “Come on, hormones. Let’s go before you start snotting all over the place.”

  “Shut up.” I smacked him and gave a choked laugh.

  Chapter Ten

  We said our goodbyes and let ourselves out. Hopefully, they would talk and get everything worked out. It never ceased to amaze me how different people’s views of the same events could be.

  He opened my door, and I poked him as I stepped around him. “I’m so sleeping on the way back.”

  I jumped in and yawned.

  “Just keep your feet off the fucking dash.”

  “Yes, sir!” I saluted him sarcastically and started taking my boots off.

  He grumbled as he shut the door but I didn’t hear what he said.

  By the time he made it around, I had my
shoes kicked off and feet pulled up in the seat.

  “How the fuck do you just get comfortable anywhere?”

  “Probably because I’m not 6’6 and don’t weigh three hundred pounds.”

  He scowled and I couldn’t help but laugh.

  “I do not weigh three hundred pounds.”

  “Hurry up and get in, I’m ready to go.”

  He huffed but got in and raised the center console. “Would you just lay down and go to sleep already?”

  Now that I could do. I turned around and laid down on my side across the middle and used his thigh as a pillow.

  The truck rumbled alive, and I smiled as I closed my eyes. I fucking loved sleep. It was fleeting, so I took it any chance I got.

  Hick’s face flashed in my mind, his body lying lifeless on the ground.

  Monster.

  I can feel you, like a disease, crawling through my veins.

  I opened my eyes and stared at the dash. Feel. Which meant he had supernatural ability, but to what extent? Was it the same way I’d felt him? The crawling on my skin, the tingling as we’d gotten closer and closer, until it had started to burn as we came up on him.

  A hand on my hip pulled me out of my head and I looked up at him.

  “That’s not sleeping.”

  I sighed. His hand stayed where it was as I turned onto my back. His palm now rested over my pelvic area, his fingers on my hip, as I stared up at the black roof lining.

  “Talk to me, J,” he said, gruff voice soft and full of worry as his thumb pushed under my shirt and started stroking small paths on my skin.

  It was nice. The touching thing. Not too many people were cool with me being able to take accidental trips into their head. I’d eventually just stopped telling people, and avoided triggers as much as possible. Even Sutton. Until it had accidentally happened with him in training one day.

  He’d grabbed my neck in a hold and I’d seen the death of his wife. The violence, the blood; the gut wrenching pain and the soul shattering grief of instantaneous loss. The shock had put me in a coma for three days. When I’d come out, he was there and I’d immediately quit and told him I needed to find another trainer. He’d told me to go fuck myself and sat down. He’d stayed in that chair until I explained everything. Then, without saying a word, he’d left.